My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'