He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me