She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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