I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
