well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
