im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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