She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
