from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
