Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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