did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Never underestimate the power of titties
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize