if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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