everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
