Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
