If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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