Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
