So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
