I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
