I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
too bad you live with your parents still
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
