Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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