bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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