i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
