What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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