Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
