I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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