I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
