Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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