yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
