At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
