A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just threw up on my dentist
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
