There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
