You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
