Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize