i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
