So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
