Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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