sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
