Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can you bring me the toilet please
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
