you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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