What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
