You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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