Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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