I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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