I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
