Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
