He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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