Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
