I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
