that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
