I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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