i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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