I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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