Don't make out with my wife yet
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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