You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
