I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You can't motorboat a personality
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize