Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
