Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
