I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
