I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Pappa wants mamma naked
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
