Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
