We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
