those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
