i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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