Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
