We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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