After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
