so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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