just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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