Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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