i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
